Our Children

A kid as young as 12 years old, planning a whole plot to arson a Tahfiz school.

A kid lied to his father that his teacher at school hit him but the truth is the kid was caught smoking. Father went to school and hit the teacher.

A student hit a teacher with a rock on the head while at the same time stealing from the teacher.

Scarry.....
What is happening to our kids today?
And most of the peoples blame the teacher for the kids misconduct?
Then where is the role of parenthood taking place?
Semua salah cikgu lah konon?

You tell me!

But sometimes, macam mana berusaha pun ibu bapa bagi pengajaran sama anak, in the end banyak faktor juga yang akan mempengaruhi anak...

The advance technology of internet which accessible to any age level, peer pressure dan banyak lagilah...

Scary isn't it?

This post is not a judging post.
Not judging the pelaku.
But I think we need to do something about this.

I could only pray that my children tidak akan terpengaruh sama gejala-gejala macam ni.

Mari sama-sama praying that good overpowering the bad.

Sharing for a peace of mind

I am not talking about sharing physical things (such as money, foods etc not because of stinginess hahahahahaha) but on today's post, I wanna write about sharing experiences, thoughts, problems.... Things like that...

Of course we usually sharing these kind of matters to one that we trusted, not necessarily close one but trusted.
Maybe to our husbands or friends.
Or family members.

The differences between open up or sharing with different type of peoples are the different views of the same subject from these peoples.

If it was a sharing session with friends, lain lagi perspective dia.
If with family and husband, lain lagi benda yang akan dorang share.
Sometimes, gender also affect the way topic was viewed.

Ini yang saya suka pasal sharing.
Because at one time, the conversation hit just at the spot where these 2 peoples (or more) experience the same thing.
Reach an greement kind of sort.
Yang "wahhhhh betul oh, saya pun rasa macam tu!"

I like this kind of conversation.
Sebab sometimes, it gives a consolation to the heart, that I'm not alone on going through this many phases of life.

Tapi, mau be wise jugalah sama siapa kita sharing sebab usually these kind of things can get into topic yang very personal and private.

Find your trusted one. And share.

Prioritise

Was reading through the travel notes provided by our travel agent for the November trip to Holyland. Then it hit me, do I need all these travels for therapy?

Money, family?

Sometimes the truth is I am in dilemma.
When it comes to traveling, I have to left behind my small family (dude & sumandak).

I need to refresh why I want to travel other places.
I do not want it to be a hobby, a passion or for fun.

I want something out of it.
Knowledge.
Lesson.
Experience.
I need it to broaden my perspective about life.

Saya tidak mau it becomes a trend yang konon, wah dorang pigi sana, saya wajib pigi sana juga.
I want to learn something from it.
I want that my every travel, it changes me.
For the better.
With nothing to brag about.
It just part of life.

Tiba-tiba saya banyak fikiran petang-petang macam ini.
Life is too short you know.
Death will come in any time unknown and in any forms unimaginable.

Under The Weather

Makin tua makin lemah tu immune badan walaupun setiap hari makan Vit.C, fish oil dan minum lemon green tea panas setiap pagi.

Baru kena hujan last Sunday during a hike to Gangar, terus malam dia sakit kena flu. Maybe coz of the sejukness. Alahai apalah nasib badan.

The hike was fun and yes, ada juga satu pacat gatal berjaya hinggap di tangan. Kurenges bah tu pacat. Pikir saya ni penderma darah ka. Kin malu saja keluar suara ganas. Hahahahahahahaha!

Tapi kisah menyedihkan adalah bila kami satu group sama hikers berpengalaman kunun. Tidak mencabar lah, lambat lah. Hey ho! Just enjoy every moment. This is not a competition. Semuakah mau berlumba.

Cakap pasal berlumba, manusia sekarang ni suka betul bertanding. Untuk kepuasan hati kali but seriously at this age am not interested to compete with anyone.

Mau kaya, berlumba.
Mau ada anak, berlumba.

Mau mati, tidak pula berlumba.
Mau kumpul iman, tidak pula berlumba.

I is malas surrounded by peoples as such.
Pelan2 saya undur diri supaya tidak stress hidup dengan berada di kalangan mereka ini.

The voice inside your head

Saya rasa peoples with high insecurities will always have this negative voice inside their head.

And let me tell you, bukan orang yang memiliki kekurangan yang biasanya ada ini suara sumbang dalam  otak dia.

Biasanya orang yang memiliki almost everything la yang selalu feel insecure. Mungkin dorang rasa, benda yang dorang nikmati itu belum cukup. Belum memuaskan hati. Atau apa saja yang dorang buat itu, bukan untuk diri sendiri tapi untuk memenuhi acuan duniawi.

Contohnya, ada ni orang yang asal ada status kawan dia yg buat dia terasa, terus dia pun counter attack balik melalui status dia. Chill bah chill!

Kau hidup untuk diri sendiri, bukan untuk memenuhi expectation orang yang tidak penting sama kau.

Satu lagi kan, bila kau buat satu benda, tiba2 pandai buat pengumuman "kepada yang benci saya tu"... Wah, macam famous pula macam ramai haters. Hahahahahahhahaha.... Mungkin tiada orang pun peduli tapi kau perasan-perasan sendiri ada orang "AKAN".. diulangi.... "AKAN" mengata pasal kau... Famous oh. Ramai peminat gitew....

Saya?
Saya bagi ulasan saja bah ni. Kalau boleh belajarlah bersyukur. Inda payahlah layan tu suara yang ko sendiri-sendiri buat dalam otak kau supaya kau nampak kasihan.

Babai!

Take it or leave it

Kalau kamu inda suka bah, kamu stay or move on?
The best thing to do is to leave bah kan?
If you can't handle some peoples drama, why stay?

Atau kesimpulannya, kalau inda suka, kita undur diri...
Inda payah susah2 mau melayan orang/tabiat yang kita inda minat....

Macam juga ni blog, if it is nonsense to you, why the need to continue reading?
Why bah why...

So, mama PM me thru' WA yesterday afternoon.
Dia meluahkan perasaan dia....
Dia sakit hati pasal tabiat seseorang...
Kesian gia my mama...
Mama saya ni dia punya penyabar tahap dewa bah...
Dia inda cerewet lagi...
Kalau dia inda puas hati, dia diam saja...
Dia tidak pigi jaja jaja cerita pasal kelemahan orang sama orang lain...

Saya ingat bah masa saya kicik lagi,
My dad was an alcoholic..
Kalau mabuk, start la tu bapa mengamuk but inda la dia pukul mama but tu bapa teriak2 la, marah2 la...
Mama sabar saja...
My grandma (dad's mom) tidak suka mama pun, mama sabar saja...
Sendiri2 tahan hati but mama still layan my nenek bagus2 walaupun nenek saya cerewet betul....

Okay, pasal mama meluah tu...
Dia kecewa sama satu orang ni...
Saya kesian juga sama mama saya bah...
Tapi I can't do nothing but only listen..

Ini nasihat saya sama diri sendiri dan orang yang berkenaan...
Kalaupun kau SANGAT INDA suka sama mama saya, tulunglah tidak payah kasi tunjuk sama mama saya KETIDAK SUKAAN kau tu...
Mama saya inda pigi kasi buruk2 kau juga....
Maybe once in a while mama ada tegur kau but it is because dia anggap kau anak bah...
Kami sudah tua gini pun masih kena tegur, kalau langsung dia tidak peduli, jangan haraplah dia mo peduli but mom is not someone like that..

Kalaupun kau tidak mau kena peduli, don't show it PLEASEEEEE!!
Be matured bah...
FAKE IT if possible...
Walaupun you hate my mom, ko berpura2 saja suka dia, good enough...
Tua sudah bah si mama tu...
Hati pun cepat touch...

Honestly, saya kalau tidak suka something, saya diam saja, senyum tidak perlu kata apa2...
Lainlah kalau tu orang duluan yang inda mo tingu muka kau then the other person deserves same treatment too....

Mama saya bukan mau minta layan macam Queen..
Mama saya sedar diri juga dia siapa...
Tapi to treat her like she doesn't exists is too much especially from a person like you..
Educated person like you....

It shows that your personal communication skill FAIL!

Inda apalah...
Teruskan sahaja gaya kau begitu....
We both (mom & me) pray the best for you...

I tell my mom, not to think too much..
Let it go...
Not worth the time to layan orang sebegini....

Rainy day update

Currently it is raining cats and dogs outside and there is not much I can do in this office.

So many activities was planned for months ahead.

Wedding to attend, hiking or jungle trekking to be more exact and traveling.

I'm not that type of person that going public abt my plan to travel to other countries. I don't see the reason too. I'm an ordinary traveler. Nothing to brag abt my traveling experience. Yes, it was "running from daily life" kind of therapy.

I do share photos, stories. As a mementos for myself. But that doesn't entitles me to be "pakar" or "champion". Far from that.

Tiada gunanya kalau melancong itu cuma untuk menunjuk-nunjuk dan tidak membuka mata kita tentang what real life is.

Travel for me should be about soul searching, humility and seeing the world in a little bit of different perspective. Not about telling the whole world you had conquered the whole continents. But again, this is solely my point of view.

Off to other topic, sometimes I try very hard to understand peoples who parade their purchase on social media. Every single time they purchase things, mesti kena post di SEMUA media dia. Gitew! Maybe saya jealous juga bah ni kan sebab saya bukan tidak mampu tapi saya banyak komitmen. Too many things that money related mau kena settle. Lagipun barang2 yang kena show off tu semua branded. *insert muka panjang mulut*. That is why I had unfollow (bukan unfriend or block ah) many peoples' timeline from appearing on my wall. Sakit mata dan hati bah. Inda kemampuan ako membeli barang-barang gitu. Ha!Ha!Ha!

Apa2 pun semoga kamu semakin kaya raya dan semakin banyak kamu boleh tembirang di FB kah, IG kah, atau mana2 lah.

Kbye!

Are you brave enough

This medium has become the media for me to throw away my frustration about almost anything and 99% of its are in regard to the unhealthy workplace after a new leadership taking over.

Not only the new leader is stupid, every single traits as a bad leader, you name it, has their names on his.

As an additional misery, a pain in the ass colleague. Only 1 btw. The rest are okay.

Bit by bit of myself is dying.
Less feeling.
Zombie-like.
No fun.

My hatred is so thick that sometimes I wish a bad karma catching up fast to all these peoples.

Leave your drama at the door

Kita ni kan, sudah lumrah buat andaian, assumption dalam otak kita....
Otak kita sedang berdialog sama hati kita...
The brain telling you what is real but your heart otherwise...

Kadang tu hati pandai-pandai lagi buat cerita, benda yang tidak wujud pun pandai ada....

Tapi apa yang membezakan orang yang drama dengan tidak adalah orang yang tidak, the conversation stays inside their head....

Meanwhile orang yang drama ni, pigi kasi2 tau orang gitu, gini...
Maka it never happen....
Kalau setakat berlaku dalam otak kau tu, it doesn't count okay!

Terus kunun lah, menjela la caption-caption "to all my haters"
"mohon terasa"
"to all that bash me"

Haduihhhh....
Femes sangat ka sis sampai banyak "penghaters???"
Bukti mana bukti?

Adakah orang macam ini adalah jenis "mohon kasihan diriku" punya jenis?
Atau "bagi saya lebih perhatian?" punya jenis?
Atau "it will polish my popularity if i have many non-existent haters"...

Agak kasihan ya dengan mereka-mereka ini....
Bah teruskanlah dengan kehidupan drama mu yang mendahagakan "haters"

Hmmmm.....
Tapi kan kenapa terhegeh-hegeh mahu haters ah???
Siok ka kena benci???

We Are Fake Human

Sekarang ni susah mau jumpa orang yang tidak ada social media..
Paling cikai pun whatsapp la...

Tapi untuk yang moden sikit, paling kurang facebook lah...

Kalau yang sangat update, mostly semua ada...
FB, IG, Twitter, Snapchat dan others media...

Media-media ini membuatkan kita semua fake....
Don't believe me?

We prefer to post the best picture of us....
The best caption/status/quote that we can think of....
Sometimes to make us look cool, look up to date, look funny, look passionate, look lovable, look caring and everything associated with the nicest things we can offer, we post only the selected/filtered contents of our life....

Tapi....
Sebenarnya kita cuma orang biasa....
Behind the layers of goodness that we put upfront, are just plain jane...

Saya akun...
What I show only what peoples want to see of me...
I won't post photo that is me looking fat in it...
Or ugly....
All that you see is a projection of what I would like you to think...

Real me....
A struggling me....
An individual that still is lost on her real purpose of life....
I went to church every Sunday, but I still have love-hate relationship with God...
I have too many Qs....
I'm blessed but I still don't find my real inner peace....

Jadi...
What you see is what you get....
Don't believe everything that you see...
It is not a lie but it is also not the real thing...

Old Woman

Turns out I cannot keep up with a younger peoples not on my age range.
They are rebellious, emotional and selfish.

I thought I will survive but I am not.

Yang ada masalah tu, kau yang inda tau apa-apa pun kena tempias. So u ask urself, sama siapa lagi dia gaduh ni. Janganlah kasi jangkit negative vibes kau tu sama orang lain. Ni belimpas tiba-tiba inda mo tingu. Trus ko tepikir "apa salah saya ni kali ah???"


Like I said, malas lah mau berapat-rapat sama orang under age ni. Tidak ngam sudah gaya pemikiran. Dorang pun inda suka kali sama saya yang pemikiran beliau-beliau ni. Macam zaman paleolitik sudah punya pemikiran.

Paling bagus dua-dua main jauh-jauh.
Dua-dua senang hati.

SHE SAID: masih muda juga kamu tu. banyak lagi perlu kamu belajar

Sacrificing you.....

There are 9 of us growing up and I wonder how my parents trying hard to raise us, providing all the necessities, foods, education...

I believe they did sacrifice a lot...
Devoted 100% of their time to the family...
No "ME" time...

I remember too, we never had a family holiday like the others...
Only once a while like going to their hometown in  Tamparuli...
Or to KK, visitng sick relatives...

Other than that, we stayed at home...

There is no holiday time like berpiknik tepi sungai, pigi shopping complex, pigi poring... none...

At that time I don't understand why..
I always, secretly comparing my life with my cousins...

Dorang kena beli baju baru tapi saya pakai baju lama kakak-kakak saya..
Baju sekolah pun sama..

Family cousin pigi makan angin around Sabah, kami?
Sana-sana rumah, diam-diam...

Then, now saya punya giliran menjadi ibubapa...
Bit by bit I now understand how much sacrifce being a parents are...

At least saya boleh lagi pigi melancong, spend time with friends, kupi-kupi...
But my parents didn't had he privilege to do so...
Walaupun dia tidak kasi beli kami barang-barang atau baju baru, surprisingly kami tidak pernah lapar, idak pernah telanjang, tidak pernah berhujan sebab tiada tempat tinggal...
Dorang korbankan setiap masa dorang hanya untuk pastikan kami hidup dan ada education...
Mungkin bapa saya tekanan, which explain his source of relief was consuming alcohol but even with that, dia masih seorang bapa yang bertanggungjawab...
Tidak pernah cuti sakit walaupun teruk kogutan dia the next day....

And now here I am, thinking about how hard it is becoming a mother...
Thinking about my next getaway...
How I want to stop working....

Adakah saya belum sedia mau sacrifice like my parents?
Am I not strong enough...

SHE: ........................

What if.....

Banyak betul soalan...
Kebarangkalian...
What if...
What if....

Macam saya rasa saya betul-betul tidak bersedia...
I had planned this year...

Banyak fikiran...
Makes me overthinking of the "what if" questions...

Saya rasa annoyed betul with all these...
Saya bukan rasa ini adalah ujian but I'm not ready....
Saya mau my "me" time dulu....
Saya belum puas hati....

I need holiday...
I need me time...

Nantilah sambung cerita...
I don't feel good...
About everything....

SHE: Berserah sahaja....

Just trying....

As a human. of course we are in every way susceptible to temptation from evil. Sometimes we win, sometime we lose.

But we have to try. The best we can to be a better person. to follow our faith. To reject sin.

Nothing is easy, but have you even try?

SHE: temporary life is not what I after

Triggered

Ada benda di dunia yang kita perlu sensitif, ada yang tidak...
Kalau benda itu penting, melibatkan maruah, keamanan yes!!! we should be sensitive..

Tapi kalau benda yang remeh temeh, propaganda dan tidak penting, tidak payahlah jump to the bandwagon bersama-sama orang yang mencipta cerita-cerita itu.

BUANG MASA SAJA!!

Contoh isu berus cat tidak halal.
Yang ini tiba-tiba yang extremist Kristian memanas..
Apa salah tu sign yang menyatakan berus itu tidak halal?
Bagi saya ngam la bah tu...
Sebab memang ada berus yang di buat dari bulu babi..
So by putting up those warning, at least we already help our fellow Muslims to not buying that specific brush..
Buka sikit pemikiran tu...
Jangan lah sempit sangat...
Kalau contoh penjual sudah tau barangan mereka diperbuat dari barangan tidak halal, takkan mereka TUTUP MATA saja kasi biar yang tidak boleh makan dan pegang benda tu menggunakan barangan tersebut.
Guna Otak bah kawan...
Guna akal dan kewarasan yang kena bagi ni...

Ni terus riuh rendah, pot pet pot pet...
Sensitif kunun!
Betul-betul macam Masalan *insert mata terbalik emoji here

Ok satu lagi...
Ni kaki-kaki share ni...
Cuba gia kamu buat simple research dulu sebelum share apa-apa di internet...
Jangan terlampau bergembira mau viral barang yang belum tentu sahih..
Paling senang pigi baca tu komen-komen tu isu...
Biasanya the truth terserlah di situ...
Bagus lagi kamu share pasal masakan ka, jokes ka..

Dan daripada buang masa pasal isu-isu berus ni, bagus lagi kita serius pasal benda-benda berkaitan negara....
Uiseh!
Pasal pemimpin yang HAISSSHHHH malas mau cakap....
Pasal crimes yang makin meningkat...
Ada lagi faedah...
Menambah kesedaran lagi...

SHE: Kamu pok like ka tu suka share dan viral bukan-bukan??

Among the cloud, Over the sea

Currently reading IT by Stephen King and it greatly affected my mood..
Not in a bad way but I remember reading his book at UiTM KK when I was studying my diploma...
Reading a good book that suit ur taste brought you to the world of the story that was written...
You are in ur own world and inside with the characters....

I missed traveling....
I do... badly...

Sometimes I couldn't believe that I had been to certain places that I can only dream of....
It never crossed my mind that one day some of these dreams do come true...
Thank God for this chance and blessing...

Miles and miles away from home, experiencing how peoples live their life in other continents...
Strange language...
Tight budget....

The place I missed the most is Japan....
See, being a fan of JP anime could be the reason why this country top the list of place I want to be...

Harajuku...
Shibuya...
Hiroshima...
Erghhhhhhh.....

I need a time off...
The politics in the office is taking it tolls...
...I hate it....

I feel unhappy....
It wasn't that I'm not thankful but the way how this workplace are operating now, is not in favor to my mental health...

Tingulah sampai mana boleh bertahan...
Tiada hati sudah ni....

SHE: Long vacation needed. No drama.

Family

Sometimes all these social medias are so bad that you found almost everything in it.
I'm a strangers. The best I can do is wishing them the best in their life.
Experimenting with drugs, below 18teen but act like an adult.
I don't blame them.
This world running at light speed that all things old are also changing at lightning pace.

Our parents had done their best to raised up a child but sometimes their teachings fail to peers influence and all these social hype.

Masa bercinta memang seronok saja. Bila kena nasihat, kita cakap  "I will do whatever I want for my happiness".

Macam best saja kan melekat saja sama couple kita. Dalam dunia cinta yang memabukkan. Kalau boleh mau melekat saja. Then come the caption "just the two of us".

Well, here is the hard truth.

Living together (married or not) needs money. YES. Money.

MONEY. Always going to be an issue. If you've been together with your partner long enough, then both of you can cope. Tapi kalau yang baru kenal, terus sanggup mahu kahwin walaupun baru beberapa bulan kenal, kasi belakang ibubapa dan keluarga, bersiap sedialah. Nanti keluarlah status-status mengeluh di FB.

CHILD. Unless memang kamu tidak mahu kids. Bukan senang mau raise anak oh.

Banyak lagilah benda-benda yang mau di fikir. Kecuali kamu bersuka-suka gitu saja and no future planning, then itu terpulang sama diri masing-masing lah kan. Tepuk dada, tanya selera.

Please, janganlah membelakangkan ibu-bapa kita. They are the one who raise us up. Saya rasa every normal parents mahu yang terbaik untuk anak-anak mereka. If you do it right, mereka tidak akan menentang. Ingatlah, suatu hari nanti we ourselves will raise a child too and of course we also want the best for them.

My prayers to all parents. Forgive us children if we ever break your heart.

SHE: I'm not ready of losing my mom and dad.....

Young

When we were young, we tend to made bad decisions...
We always put our heart first, our brain later...

The time where we hate our parents for being "wrong" instead of being "sporting" or "hipster" or "modern"

Some of us go to the extent of doing things behind them and until it is too late, they cannot do anything anymore...

But the one we hurt the most is actually ourselves....
We might not feel it right away but slowly it will rot inside us and in the end, there is nothing left but regret...

I'm a bad decision maker myself but thankfully, I managed to pull out from the whirlpool of recklessness and rebelliousness before it is too late....
And I thank God for that....

I saw, witnessed some of them who do not having a second thought of their actions, in the end, fill with regret...
I'm not judging them...
I do not know what they had been through...

Young age is dangerous...
That is your "make or break", the "determinant"of where and what you want to do in your life....

Life should be live with no regret...
This life is only one time chance...
Live it right...
Don't waste it...

SHE: You deserve happiness.....

The Beginning

Semua post lama had been deleted...

Intro:

This blog is solely my space to write anything based on my 100% point of view. From my observation of life in general, what I feel and etc.

I'm not judging anyone, I write what I feel. If you feel I pointed at ur life's story then I am sorry. If you feel what you are doing is okay, then okay it is. My P.O.V should not be affecting a bit of your personality.

We only live once. Live it right. We are only temporary here, in this world. Let us hope we do as many good things before we leave this place for good.

And for everything else, let it be according to God's will. Amen.

SHE: Nobody is perfect including me but I'm trying my best to live this life to the fullest everyday. Imperfection is never an excuse.